Bisou Bistro: A French Kiss That is Better Than the Big “O”

Bisou Bistro

367 Market Street
San Francisco, CA 94114

(415) 556-6200


I want to start off this post by thanking all of our wonderful followers! In less than a week we have gained 92 followers and have had 1,195 views as of the time I am writing this post! Our red velvet recipe has also been featured on the foodgawker website. #thebitchygaysstrikeagain #rollingwithmybitches #bakeshit

If you’ve read the previous post, you knew that this weekend was going to be a culinary and pant stretching few days. In preparation I made sure to wear my elastic waistband pants and to purchase laxatives. Don’t judge my life choices.

Bisou Bistro kicked off our weekend.

Question: Have you reached the big “O” in 30 seconds? If your answer is yes, you either really need to work on your stamina – Mark recommends an ice cold bath – or you must have eaten at Bisou Bistro. No one can last longer than that at this incredible French restaurant in the heart of the Castro. So throw on your tightest briefs and head down to Bisou.

This visit to Mark’s favorite restaurant was a very special occasion. Mark’s lovely parents flew in from Texas to meet me and my family. Bisou Bistro supplied the food and ambiance for our first family dinner. There were no big-fat-greek-wedding moments and Mark managed to not spill his wine. So overall, a successful evening.

The ambiance in this restaurant gets 5/5 rainbows – basically, its impossible to not feel sexy. The dim lighting and the red accents remind you of your first french kiss. DISCLAIMER: This does not mean that everyone else in the restaurant is sexy. This also does not mean that you won’t feel approximately 875 lbs heavier when leaving the restaurant. Cue elastic waist band.

The service is fantastic. In fact, the wait staff could say the special is, “the overweight naked man on gay beach in Dolores Park, served over a bed of greens” and it would actually sound appetizing, rather than naseau inducing.

Here’s some of what we ordered:

For appetizers we enjoyed French Onion Soup Gratinee: with croutons topped with gruyere cheese, as well as Escargot And Mushroom: snails in belgium endive leaves with seasonal mushrooms, tomatoes and bacon cream sauce.

I ordered the Bisou Burger Creekstone Farm: served with choron sauce, butter lettuce, tomato, red onion, apple wood bacon and french fries. I lasted approximately 25 seconds.

My brother and Mark’s mother enjoyed the Beef Bourguignon: 24 hours marinated beef cheeks, button mushrooms, carrots, bacon and mash potatoes.

Mark’s father, as well as my mother and father had the Seared Salmon: smoked salmon roulade stuffed with a poached egg, smoked beurre blanc sauce.

Mark ordered the Duck Confit: duck leg served with potatoes roasted with bacon and herbs.

All the entrees were devoured, but some of the most tasty dishes came after the meal. If Jenny Craig even read this restaurant’s dessert menu, I’m pretty sure she’d have to call her overeaters anonymous sponsor and lock herself in the bathroom.

We shared two Salted Caramel Pot De Creme: brown butter maple bacon doughnuts, vanilla bean whipped cream, cacao nibs and two Chocolate Fondant: vanilla ice cream.

When it comes down to it, this is one of our favorite restaurants and if you are in the area you must make it a priority to stop by and enjoy some of their O-inducing entrees and desserts.


 Mark’s Review:

5/5 Rainbows 

Introducing your parents to your boyfriend’s parents is never a relaxing day at the bath house. Matthew and I wanted to make the evening special for everyone, and pick an environment with good food, a nice semi-quiet atmosphere, and a bit of a landmark reputation. But all of those places were already booked for Friday night (some even had the audacity to tell me that I needed to make the reservation a month out because they were sooooo “popular”.) But you can suck it Cliff House, NOPA, Beach Chalet, Wayfare Tavern, and In and Out Burger. Bisou Bistro wasn’t my first pick, because we had taken Matthew’s family there before for my birthday, and it’s just not very nice to introduce your parents to your same-sex life partner’s parents in the heart of Gay-Town, USA. But alas, I knew that Bisou would have a reservation spot available at a reasonable hour for my over 60 parents, and the food here is fantastic. So, if conversation is at an awkward lull, it doesn’t really matter because everyone’s mouth is full with decadent, creamy, delicious food.

I have been to Bisou several times at this point (at least 5, and I still have a reasonable body mass index), so it is possible to eat there and not look like Kirstie Alley pre, post, and during Jenny Craig. I recommend a little less bingeing and a little more purging for that fat bitch. I use the Lindsay Lohan method (proper diet and exercise, with the occasional splurge…. wink).

I love everything about Bisou except for the crazy low ceiling on the upper level. And maybe the fact that it is in California, which has recently banned the sale of fois gras, because that shit is Jesus’s butter and you used to be able to just put it on anything at Bisou. I am pretty sure a friend of mine ordered the chocolate souffle with seared goose liver. It’s so good, it just makes everything it touches turn into the 90% off sale at Barney’s.

The decor is flawless with the cavernous style booths and the bright red accents, the waiters all speak with a french accent (so brush off your “merci’s” and “oh la la’s”), and the food is to die for.

The menu changes seasonally, so you never quite know what you are going to get, but you can rest assured whatever it is, it’s going to be amazing. I recommend one of their staple dishes, the Bisou Burger. It’s a nice sized portion, served with french fries and a salad, and the burger itself is delicious (although better with fois gras. Thanks ass hole PETA people for making my life in California less awesome. I wish I could over stuff you, and eat your creamy liver. Can you tell that I am really mad about this?)

All in all, Bisou is one of my FAVORITE places in San Fran. On a scale of zero to to a sequined dress, this is a ball gown hand-beaded in Swarovski crystal by a 4 year old vietnamese girl starving in a sweat shop, who hopes to one day have a meal at a place as fancy as McDonalds.


Let us know what you think!



2 thoughts on “Bisou Bistro: A French Kiss That is Better Than the Big “O”

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